Girlfriends vs. Gaming

Professor E. Gadd

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For those gamers who are actively dating or have a girlfriend, have you found your love for gaming interfere with your relationships? Let's be honest, most girls are not big fans of video games. None of the girls I've ever dated were fond of my game playing, and almost all of them sort of looked down on it. Best case scenario, some girls thought it was cute that I was being a "child," but that's about it.

Is that generally the case with gaming and dating? Do you need to find yourself a "gamer chick" in order for your love life and your favorite hobby to co-exist peacefully? The problem for me is that I don't really like gamer girls. I like regular, girly-girls who read Cosmo and Glamour and don't know anything about Call of Duty or Xbox Live.

I don't necessarily want to play games with my girlfriend. But I want to be left plenty of time to play my games, and I never get to do that without jeopardizing the relationship.
 
I'm not in that position but I can say that I wouldn't be happy in a relationship if a girlfriend wanted me to play less games (or stop completely). At the end of the day, I view it in a similar way as I would someone telling me to stop playing guitar - it's what I enjoy, and I'm not prepared to make myself miserable to make someone else happy.

I'm not saying I'd only be happy in a relationship with a girl that played video games, but I'd want them to at least understand it. Besides, a few female friends of mine are all somewhat into gaming. There's a bar not far from where I live that has a few games consoles set up around the place, and it's not uncommon for me to have a few games of Mario Kart with them. Even if they aren't serious gamers, I think you'd be surprised at how many girls don't actually mind playing video games.
 
My girlfriend now is a big, big Nintendo fan. Which works great for me. Her favorite console of all time is the Nintendo Gamecube. She still has that out and hooked up, side by side, with her Wii. She doesn't have a Wii U yet. In fact, she doesn't even have a 3DS yet, either. Tho she does have a DS-Lite. I got her a pink one because she wanted to borrow my white one, one day, and so I let her borrow it. However, I didn't see it again for several months later. Like, 7 or 8, at least. I only got it back after I bought her her own. She fell in love with the DS.

Her favorite games of all time are the Harvest Moon, Sim City, and Animal Crossing games. In that order. But she loves all kinds of games. Scribblenauts comes to mind. As well as Mario, and others. Tho she prefers either singleplayer building/growing/creating games, or multiplayer party games. She's big on those. But she'll play other things too. Her favorite PC game to play, besides the various Sim City games, is the "The Movies: Stunts and Effects" game. In fact, when her and I first got together, we used to lay in her bed and play that. She'd either play and have me watch her, or she's have me play and she'd watch. And she loves to watch me, or others, play games. However, when she plays multiplayer (never online), she's competitive, but hates to lose. If she loses, she'll start to sit out of the competition all together, and just watch instead, cheering everybody else on. When it's just the two of us playing together, I have to 'secretly', let her win. If I just destroy her in a game, she gets upset. It's not fun for her. If it's a close game that could go either way, she hates to lose, but she can handle that, and will go again. However, there are lots of games that I grew up playing, so I'm just better at them than she is, due to experience, as she didn't play a ton of games growing up. However, again, if I beat her, she doesn't like it. So I try to let her win most of the time. However, it's a fine art. If she realizes that I'm letting her win, she'll be more upset than if I destroyed her in a game. She doesn't want me to take it easy on her, but she also doesn't like to get creamed in a game. So, it's a fine balance between the two for me.

However, the good news is, I've gotten far better at letting her win without her knowing it. So that's good. Also, there are times where I want to play on the console and she wants to play on the handheld. So I'll have the tv and she has her handheld. Then, there are reverse times, where I want to play on the handheld and she wants to play on the tv. So we switch. That works out great, as we can sit next to each other, and converse, and have a good time, while playing two separate games. Also, she loves watching me play games. There are lots of games that she wants to play, but doesn't think she's good enough to play. So she'll make me play them as she watches. Then, she gets to enjoy the game without actually playing it herself. Especially when it comes to horror games, or the big, big budget and expansive games, that take forever to beat. So, it works for us. It's great. And she constantly has a list of games that she wants, so I always buy her her own games. Tho, when she gets too many at one time, she refuses to get any more until she starts finishing what she has. However, she's a big Scooby Doo fan, so any Scooby Doo game to come out (or Harvest Moon), she'll always take those immediately. But for everything else, she can wait. And it works, as sometimes, several games that she wants will come out, but she won't realize that it's out. And when she's ready for a new game, those games will already be out for a year or two, but she'll have no clue, as she doesn't keep up with games as much as I do. So, by the time she's ready for a 'new' game, the one she wants is already a year or two old, and thus, much cheaper brand new.

So again, it works out for me. With her, it's a great experience for me. We go out and hang out on a regular basis. But when we are home and relaxing, we get together and play games from time to time. She's big into reading books and watching her tv shows too. So she puts a lot of time into those activities too. But she loves videogames, and is more than happy to have me play. But she doesn't play the hardcore, super violent and bloody games. She's more of a builder/creator/gardener/etc type player, as well as party and platform games. However, like I said, she loves to make me play games just so she can watch. Especially games that she would never play herself. So yeah, I'm now in the perfect situation, when it comes to girlfriends and gaming.

But, it wasn't always the case in the past...

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See, it wasn't that way with my ex-fiance. She absolutely hated videogames. I remember when her and I moved in with each other. I ended up moving in with her. My apartment lease had ended, and instead of renewing it, she wanted me to move in with her because she both, didn't want me to sign another lease and stay there longer, and also, because she felt that it was a waste of money when we could just live together and save up faster. I figured it was for the best to move in with her. Not having to pay separate rent and utilities was nice. So I moved in with her. However, again, she absolutely hated video games. Which I didn't know at first. When I had my own apartment, she never said a word about it and I never brought it up. Of course, whenever she came over, videogames was the last thing on my mind. She'd come over to my place, we'd have a little 'fun', and rest up in bed afterwards, or we'd stay for a moment before going out for the night. So videogames never got brought up once when she came over to my place. Anytime we hung out to hang out, it was always at her place. My place was just for 'fun' with her, pretty much. She didn't come to my place as much as I went to her place. Tho we had 'fun' at her place too. But we were at her place far more than we were at mine.

So when I eventually moved in with her, she originally didn't want me to bring my videogames. I had never brought up videogames with her before that, so I wasn't sure how she felt about them, other than knowing that she never had them growing up, didn't have them at her place, and she never talked about them. But when she told me to leave them, I told her that there was no way I was going to leave them at the old apartment, that they were coming with me. She was upset about it, and didn't like the idea that I was bringing video games into her place. So, she made a rule. I was not allowed to play in her presence. Ever. Or they were gone. I was allowed to play when she was sleeping, or when she was at work, and that was it. That's all she allowed.

I remember one day, she was at work, and I was off that day. So I was home playing games to pass the time. And she came home from work, walked in the front door and saw me playing games, and wasn't happy about it. I told her that since she was now home, that I'd turn it off. But nope, she was still mad. She said that I was allowed to play when she was at work, not when she's home. I said that I was playing when she was at work. But now she wanted it so that I had to have the games not only off, but completely put away before she got home. She did not want to see it when she walked in the door. Seriously. She was way, ridiculous when it came to videogames. She absolutely hated them to the extreme. She had one sister, and they didn't grow up with video games. Never had a single videogame growing up. Never played one at an arcade or a friends house. Nothing. So she didn't know anything about videogames other than she didn't want them in, or around, her life. Seriously.

So, needless to say, I got some gaming time in after I moved in with her. But my playing time dropped drastically. To the point where I had no clue what games were even coming out, were already out, or what I think I would want out of what was already out. I was so deprived of gaming when with her. We didn't break up because of gaming. We broke up because of some other stuff. But I will say that the gamer inside of me was happy to be re-united with gaming again after we broke up. That's for sure.

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There was this other girl that I dated who was big into games. She was a huge Nintendo fan too, with the Super Nintendo and Nintendo 64 being her favorite consoles. She was big into puzzle games. No, huge into puzzle games. Especially the drop down games, like Tetris, and Dr. Mario, and Super Puzzle Fighter, etc.etc.. Oh man, was she good at those. Her reflexes were amazing in those games. She could destroy anybody. We once had a party at her place, and there was like 17 to 20 people there. Give or take. And those 3 games got brought out, and man, we had a huge tournament with those 3 games in particular. And she won every time. In fact, it got to the point where everybody was shocked at how good she was at those games where it literally became her vs everybody. Seriously. She held onto the controller for the rest of the night, beating everybody one after another after another. Over and over again. The tournament turned to being who would be the first person to beat her at any of those games. Nope. Nobody did. She destroyed everybody. And most of the time, it wasn't even close. Not one person beat her. She went undefeated the entire night. Even to this day, I have never been able to beat her once at those. Not once. And I was fantastic at Super Puzzle Fighter. My friend and I used to have epic back and forth battles at that game. I would fill his screen, he would fill my screen, and both times, the other would come back and bring it back down again. We had one match that lasted almost a half hour long. And we felt drained after that match, and it was just one match. We both had to take a time out, and let our other friends take over so we could take a break. But anyways, yeah, this girl was great at all 3 of those games. Especially Dr. Mario. That was her game. She said that Dr. Mario was one of like 4 or 5 games that she had growing up. So she played it religiously. It became her favorite game of all time. And she was super, super good at it. Just so so very fast, with perfect hand-eye coordination. Her speed and accuracy in those games were unmatched. She could of seriously won some competitions and won some serious money if she wanted to. A bunch of people even tried to talk her into playing professional tournaments for money. But nope, she didn't want to. She liked to play for fun, and didn't want to play for money. Tho, she loved beating everybody at the games too.

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Then, there was my last girlfriend. She wasn't big into videogames, tho she would play them from time to time. She was mostly into those workout games. She was huge on fitness, and worked out all of the time. She was in shape, for sure. She worked out in the morning, before getting ready for her day. She worked out in the middle of the day, when she could. And she worked out again at night, before taking a shower to relax for the night. She was really, really big into being in shape. So she loved the fitness games. Zumba Fitness being her favorite. She played Wii Fit, and some others. But she loved the Xbox's Kinect workout games the best because she could move freely and not have to rely on a controller or balance board of any kind to help her out with her workout. Tho she would play them all, she liked the kinect workout games the best. But she was also big on the dancing games, as she loved to dance too. So she danced all of the time. And the karaokee games too. She didn't like playing any of the instruments, but she loved the singing part. She's play some shooters and what not, here and there. But only when we were in a big group, and everybody was cycling the controllers around between rounds. Otherwise, she just watched. But when it came to actually actively playing on a regular basis, it was the singing, dancing, and workout games for her. Those were her 3 favorites, and she was constantly on those.

However, she didn't care if you played games. As long as she got to work out, she didn't care what you did. Sometimes, she'd watch me play games as she stood next to me, working out. Of course, that made it hard to concentrate on the game. But no, she didn't let gaming become a problem. She liked to game, from time to time. A platformer here or there. A cartoony action game. Whatever. But again, she mostly liked the workout games, with the singing and dancing games as her secondary games. But she'd play some platformers here or there. She loved Wii Sports. But she didn't care if you loved video games. So that was never a problem. In fact, one time, her and I went out of town just to get away together, and she told me to bring videogames so we could have it in the hotel room. We didn't play it much. But it felt nice knowing that she was open to video games. She even borrowed my consoles from time to time too. So, when it came to gaming, it was good times with her too.

At the time, it was a shame when her and I broke up. However, now, I'm happy with the girl I'm with. We have more in common than any other girl I've dated. We get along great. And she likes to play games too. However, since I beat her a lot, she mostly likes to play singleplayer games, or watch me play games. So it works out great for me. I love the position I'm in, and hope that it doesn't change. Of course, I can't predict the future, and I've had breakups with girls I didn't think I'd break up with. But it happens. And I'm in a good place now, and hope that things never change.

But when it comes to girls and gaming, I've had my ups and downs with different girls. I'm on a high right now. Which is good. But I also have a lot of friends who are dating 'gamer girls' too. Not all. I know several people who broke up over video games. In fact, a friend of mine got divorced over videogames. Seriously. I've seen a lot of different relationships and how videogames are both good and bad for them. I'm glad to say that I've had more ups than downs, in that regards. But I have had some downs. I know some girls who absolutely hate video games, and I know some girls who will destroy you at even the most 'hardcore' of hardcore games. So there's a good mix of them out there.

But at the same time, I know some guys who don't like video games. Yes, shocking, I know. But they don't. I have one coworker who doesn't like video games. He's more of a money focused person, always trying out new 'get rich quick' schemes. Even against common sense judgement. The only game he likes playing is poker. He won't touch videogames. But he'll play poker all day long.

Actually, I've had friends that broke up over video games. One was because the guy was so obsessed with video games. They were his life. Work got in the way. This couple had been together since high school. We had a lot of the same classes together. So I knew them for a long time. And a few years after graduating high school, they broke up because she said that he became too obsessed over videogames and didn't give her the time of day. She started to offer him more and more sex, but he wanted no part of it. She got to the point where she started walked around their place naked, as a way to entice him. But nope, he was too focused on the games. She ended it when he was playing a game, and she was completely naked, and she stood directing in front of the tv, and told him to put the controller down, and take her to bed that moment. But he told her no and to get out of the way. That was the last straw for her. She went into their bedroom, got dressed, packed her bags, went back to the living room, told him she was leaving him, and he didn't say a word. So, even more upset, she stormed out. She was very upset over it. She complained that he called her the next day on the phone to bring home some groceries on her way home, as they were getting low. But she told him to get his own groceries because they were no longer together. And she said that he had no clue that they were broken up. She explained to him on the phone that she walked out on him the day before, and flat out told him to his face that she was breaking up with him, but he was too into his game to pay her any attention. So she was even more upset that she broke up with him and he didn't even know it. They had been together for roughly 7 years, at that point. Give or take.

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I think, for me, I'm finally in the perfect set up when it comes to girls and gaming. I have a girl who likes videogames, and thus, doesn't care if I play at all. We can get together and play this or that and have lots of fun together. However, we don't play together as much as we did when we first got together. We still play together, just not as much. Most of the time now, she loves playing her singleplayer games, and loves watching me play mine. Which doesn't interfere with my gaming at all. Also, a lot of the times, when I'm in the mood to play a console game, she's in the mood to play a handheld game. And when I'm in the mood to play a handheld game, she's in the mood to play a console game. So we never 'fight' over who gets to play what, or what system, or who gets the tv, or anythign like that, when we are together and wanting to play games. Also, we both like playing computer games too. Tho, I'm more of the hardcore computer gamer, and she's more of the 'creator' type PC gamer. Her favorite PC games, besides Sim City, being The Movies: Stunts and Effects, as well as all of those online flash/java/shockwave/etc. games. So, for me, my particular gaming style and genres of choice, as well as play time, are relatlively uninhibited by our relationship. In fact, it actually helped to make it stronger, which is great. We even go to the videogame stores together, and will both walk out for games for each of us. She always gets excited when she gets a new game. But she's not a 'hardcore gamer girl'. She doesn't even like the "hardcore" games much and doesn't like to play online. She's more of a 'casual girly gamer'. Which is cool with me. In fact, it works for us both.

My sister and her husband both don't touch videogames and want nothing to do with them. They both don't like them, and won't buy their kids any. Of course, they only have one child right now, who is only about 6 months old right now. My brother is a hardcore gamer, but his new wife (they just got married a couple of weeks ago), she hates video games. However, she won't stop my brother from playing. Whenever he plays videogames, she just either pulls out a new book, or turns on her ipad, and puts some headphones on, and watches netflix. She never plays games with him, and never watches him play. She hates videogames. So she watches her tv shows and movies on Netflix, or reads instead. But she said that even tho she hates them herself, she would never let games get between them, and that if that's his hobby, then that's his hobby, and she's ok with him playing them til his heart's content. But she won't join him in the activity. However, she did get into the Wii when that first came out. She got into it so much she bought one, played Wii Sports for a few years, and then went back to books and Netflix. But that was the only game she'd play (mostly just bowling), because she said it felt less like a game, and more like an activity.

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But yeah.. I'll end this here.. just realized how long it is. Good luck reading it all.
 
I cannot believe I just read the complete chronicles of Lawnachaun's love life. Wow, just wow.
 
... I do not understand. Is there a difference between "girly girls" (what does that mean) and "gamer girls"? Is the term "gamer girl" some new form of code for bull dyke or something? I don't understand. I know a lot of very feminine girls who enjoy gaming, just like I know many a burly he-man who enjoys cooking. It is not in fact the 1950s - you can like these kinds of things without applying for a gender re-assignment. I mean... what?!

Seriously though, as long as it's just a hobby there isn't anything wrong with it. You just have to follow three basic rules:

1. Remember that games are forever, but girlfriends are not - therefore you will not put your game ahead of your girl.
2. Remember that life is for the living, and therefore you shalt not game for over 4 hours in a row at any one time.
3. Remember that procrastinating via video game playing has consequences - like sleeping on the couch.

That's really it - I mean as long as you behave like semi-mature adult and keep all things in balance then she has no reason to complain unless she is some kind of uber-witch. And in that case you really don't need to deal with her anyway.
 
crunchyg said:
I cannot believe I just read the complete chronicles of Lawnachaun's love life. Wow, just wow.
Well, it's not the "complete" chronicles. I could definitely write you a book... on several of them.. each.

Like, if I told you about one girl, I could write a couple of books on her alone. Then the one after her was way, way crazier. I definitely have some 'horror stories' when it comes to dating girls. But then, I have some good stories too. So they even out, overall. But yeah, I could go on and on in that subject. But I won't, because I could probably fill up your entire site with nothing but stories. Seriously. But I'll spare you of that.
 
I am a girl and I do enjoy video games. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and he does love to play video games and that is what he found attractive in me was the fact that I play video games. I also beat him in halo 4 a couple of times :D we have been together for almost a year now and I would say video games is something we both have in common. We talk about games all the time and he plays way more PC stuff than I do. Though we both love the xbox 360.

As a girl though reading that story about walking around naked and him not noticing. That would bug me so much! I would be really offended if I was walking around topless or naked for that matter and my boyfriend not noticing.. I would be super upset. I get that if you don't want to have sex every once in a while but all the time. I would be depressed..

I think as long as the girlfriend accepts that you like to game, that's good enough to maintain a relationship, but if she is really controlling about it.. let her go. You should be allowed to continue your hobbies if you choose to.
 
The problem is that most the time girls are getting mad because you men like to sit around and play video games all day. Not I'm not saying anyone on here does, I'm just talking in general. And it's annoying because I did not come over to watch you play games all night. Now, I like playing video games and can play them for hours if I wanted. If it was a good game like CoD, but it's not an everyday thing. Which is what it is for most men. I would like to chalk that up to self control, and that I don't feel the need to do that all the time. There are other things that I could be doing in my own time. I just think men want to play their video games all the time, and when they do then that's when their girlfriend starts to get mad. I went up to visit my boyfriend for a week for his birthday and he would sit up and play the new Batman game until three in the morning. After the second night of that I told him that I didn't come over to just watch him play these games all the time. It's just not fun if you're sitting there watching it. There are some people who can tolerate it, but I for one can't. And I'm not saying in this post that women are better, I'm just starting how I hate watching my boyfriend play these games and I'm sure that other girls do as well.
 
oh wow, where the hell was i when this thread came about?

my turn: like all things in nature, its all about balance. When i first started seeing my wife, i was heavy into WWF Attitude for the PS1. So a gaming wrestling fan had to be cautious, because whats the odds of her digging a TOTAL geek? But she respected how much i enjoyed it, and it never got in the way of um, above stated incidents...Occasionally she'd joke about "just seeing the back of my head" while playing games in the evenings and such. But she is a big reader so no harm. Being married young, we had very little extra money so we'd find things to pass the time at home. She really didn't care to play Playstation with me.

Enter Mario Kart Double Dash. When we both realized how fun this game is we found our balance. Played together, against each other, with friends. Fast forward to now, I'm 35, she's 34, our daughter is 11. We always find something we all like so we can play together, when the time is right. Splatoon is the game of choice currently. We all love it.

I guess what I'm getting at is between family life, work, and chores you have to find the middle ground. Great interesting thread
 
When someone is in a relationship, it's important to learn to compromise. As fun as games are, you've got to limit your playing time when you're dating to spend time with your girlfriend. It's not possible to maintain a healthy relationship if you're going to be spending all your free time gaming. You'll be regarded as both selfish and lacking self-control, which is what the majority of women don't want in a guy.
 
That is so true. I mean I've had boyfriends that play games all the time and it's just not fun for me. One of my boyfriends was really good at games and he would play really hard ones. And I would ask to play with him and he would tell me no because I 'wasn't good enough.' I will always remember that because I have always tried my hardest at games to prove that I am good enough to play video games. But like you said, it has to be about balance .
 
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