Jack Lovejoy
Well-Known Member
Well hey guys, this is Jack here and I would like to review some Phoenix games. These games were the ones that were given to me during my childhood and boy were they goddamn nightmares
Not the Phoenix Wright games, these ones...
Now let's see the first game they have to offer, Dalmations 2. So where is Dalmations 1? This game is another rip off, obviously of 101 Dalmations. But I guess Phoenix games have been switching to edutainment games now. But the thing is that this is not a game, it is just a movie with minigames. So if it really isn't a game, why not just make it on a dvd or something? The PS2 is certainly not suited for this. And about the minigames, they are simply bad and disorienting since they have no music or graphics whatsoever. Now let's move onto the main part of this "game", the movie. And to mention to you all, this has absolutely (takes in deep breath) NO RELATION TO THE ACTUAL DALMATIONS MOVIE. What were they thinking? The first thing you know is that there is barely animation in this little cartoon as characters only move their mouths for most of the time. The voice acting is god awful and it consists of broken english. They even messed up the lip syncing for the characters, which adds more salt to the wound. There are no sound effects in this movie either and the plot is completely nonsensical and boring. This cartoon goes on for 45 FRICKI- you know what, you know what, I am not going to say fricking anymore, I am just using f##k. Ah, that feels much better. Anyway, this cartoon goes on for 45 F##KING MINUTES, AND IT JUST GETS WORSE FOR EVERY SECOND PASSING BY! (runs out the door and bangs head against the house)
If you are completely masochistic or wanting to inflict obscene horror onto others sadistically, the movie is here for you and witness how awful this travesty is:
I officially give this "game" 0/10. This game should have never been released on the ps2!
Now, let's move onto Animal Soccer World.
There is really nothing to explain here, it is just the same as Dalmations 2. Same lack of animations, bad voice acting, and broken english. Another 0/10 for this one.
This one game is a drastic improvement in the Phoenix Games (not by a whole lot tho)
For this game, on the front cover, Snow White looks so beautiful that it will....... oh forget it, she looks so goddamn terrifying with the horrible 3d CGI model, even the Dwarves in the background don't look as creepy as her
This is just another movie game, but atleast it has animation to it. but wait a minute, is that a sambo boy?
Oh brother, WHO THE HELL WOULD PUT THIS RACIST IMAGERY IN A KID'S GAME?! If this were to be here, then what is it supposed to be rated? It can't be E because racism is a thing and it cant be T or M since nobody would want to play a game designed for children. You know what? I am just going to say this should be rated N, yeah, N for nobody, perfect for this game.
But we meet snow white and she is....... blond? Wait, but the terrifying box art shows that she has black hair and also the boys are old dwarves. Well, the fact is that the box art rips off the snow white from Disney. So why would you rip off the characters in Disney if your characters in the game do not resemble the ones on the box art?
Now we hear her song called Jealous Song. You know why it is called Jealous Song? SHE JUST F##KING SAYS JEALOUS NUMEROUS TIMES IN THE SONG, THAT IS WHY! This is possibly one of the worst songs I have ever heard and this game is made in 2007! (breaks down and cries on the floor)
I give this game 0.2/10, the only thing that is better about this game is that they finally added animation. And this movie is only 6 minutes long, atleast the show some mercy. But imagine HOW MUCH SPACE IS LEFT ON THE DISK FOR A MOVIE THAT IS ONLY 6 MINUTES LONG!
Now let's move onto the final part of my journey, Pinnochio for the Wii
Well, let's see since this is a nintendo console game, let's jump into it (sees that it is another horrible movie game) You know what, I am done, automatically, 0/10.
I can't believe so much junk came out from Phoenix. And seriously, WHY WOULD YOU JUST RIP OFF DISNEY CHARACTERS SO THAT PARENTS CAN BUY IT OUT OF MISTAKE FOR THEIR CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IF THEY HAVEN'T DONE THAT, THEN THEY COULD NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH DISNEY INC THEMSELVES. AND SERIOUSLY, WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SUED YET?!?!?!? Also why would you put movies on a ps2 game when it could be just on a DVD?! ALSO WHY THE F##K DOES THE ART STYLE AND ANIMATION LOOK LIKE IT WAS DRAWN BY AN ACTUAL KID?!?
THIS IS THE WORST GAME COMPANY I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY CHILDHOOD LIFE!
Well, sorry about that tirade, I hope you have a wonderful day and did you like my review? Please leave a like if you want me to do reviews on more games, either good or bad.
Not the Phoenix Wright games, these ones...
Now let's see the first game they have to offer, Dalmations 2. So where is Dalmations 1? This game is another rip off, obviously of 101 Dalmations. But I guess Phoenix games have been switching to edutainment games now. But the thing is that this is not a game, it is just a movie with minigames. So if it really isn't a game, why not just make it on a dvd or something? The PS2 is certainly not suited for this. And about the minigames, they are simply bad and disorienting since they have no music or graphics whatsoever. Now let's move onto the main part of this "game", the movie. And to mention to you all, this has absolutely (takes in deep breath) NO RELATION TO THE ACTUAL DALMATIONS MOVIE. What were they thinking? The first thing you know is that there is barely animation in this little cartoon as characters only move their mouths for most of the time. The voice acting is god awful and it consists of broken english. They even messed up the lip syncing for the characters, which adds more salt to the wound. There are no sound effects in this movie either and the plot is completely nonsensical and boring. This cartoon goes on for 45 FRICKI- you know what, you know what, I am not going to say fricking anymore, I am just using f##k. Ah, that feels much better. Anyway, this cartoon goes on for 45 F##KING MINUTES, AND IT JUST GETS WORSE FOR EVERY SECOND PASSING BY! (runs out the door and bangs head against the house)
If you are completely masochistic or wanting to inflict obscene horror onto others sadistically, the movie is here for you and witness how awful this travesty is:
I officially give this "game" 0/10. This game should have never been released on the ps2!
Now, let's move onto Animal Soccer World.
There is really nothing to explain here, it is just the same as Dalmations 2. Same lack of animations, bad voice acting, and broken english. Another 0/10 for this one.
This one game is a drastic improvement in the Phoenix Games (not by a whole lot tho)
For this game, on the front cover, Snow White looks so beautiful that it will....... oh forget it, she looks so goddamn terrifying with the horrible 3d CGI model, even the Dwarves in the background don't look as creepy as her
This is just another movie game, but atleast it has animation to it. but wait a minute, is that a sambo boy?
Oh brother, WHO THE HELL WOULD PUT THIS RACIST IMAGERY IN A KID'S GAME?! If this were to be here, then what is it supposed to be rated? It can't be E because racism is a thing and it cant be T or M since nobody would want to play a game designed for children. You know what? I am just going to say this should be rated N, yeah, N for nobody, perfect for this game.
But we meet snow white and she is....... blond? Wait, but the terrifying box art shows that she has black hair and also the boys are old dwarves. Well, the fact is that the box art rips off the snow white from Disney. So why would you rip off the characters in Disney if your characters in the game do not resemble the ones on the box art?
Now we hear her song called Jealous Song. You know why it is called Jealous Song? SHE JUST F##KING SAYS JEALOUS NUMEROUS TIMES IN THE SONG, THAT IS WHY! This is possibly one of the worst songs I have ever heard and this game is made in 2007! (breaks down and cries on the floor)
I give this game 0.2/10, the only thing that is better about this game is that they finally added animation. And this movie is only 6 minutes long, atleast the show some mercy. But imagine HOW MUCH SPACE IS LEFT ON THE DISK FOR A MOVIE THAT IS ONLY 6 MINUTES LONG!
Now let's move onto the final part of my journey, Pinnochio for the Wii
Well, let's see since this is a nintendo console game, let's jump into it (sees that it is another horrible movie game) You know what, I am done, automatically, 0/10.
I can't believe so much junk came out from Phoenix. And seriously, WHY WOULD YOU JUST RIP OFF DISNEY CHARACTERS SO THAT PARENTS CAN BUY IT OUT OF MISTAKE FOR THEIR CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IF THEY HAVEN'T DONE THAT, THEN THEY COULD NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH DISNEY INC THEMSELVES. AND SERIOUSLY, WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SUED YET?!?!?!? Also why would you put movies on a ps2 game when it could be just on a DVD?! ALSO WHY THE F##K DOES THE ART STYLE AND ANIMATION LOOK LIKE IT WAS DRAWN BY AN ACTUAL KID?!?
THIS IS THE WORST GAME COMPANY I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY CHILDHOOD LIFE!
Well, sorry about that tirade, I hope you have a wonderful day and did you like my review? Please leave a like if you want me to do reviews on more games, either good or bad.
