Sharkboy and Lavagirl Review (Movie time!)

Jack Lovejoy

Well-Known Member
Jan 23, 2016
California (Originally from Korea)
Hey guys it is Jack here and this is the first episode of Movie Time, where I review different horrible movies and bash on them, but lets talk about this abomination of a film I watched in my childhood, Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

To read this roasting, you have to rightclick the link to the movie here and press open link in new tab:

Then, move the tab out of the screen and make it a dual screen, so you can read along with this roast while you are watching the movie.

Here is an example:

Enjoy the bashing~

For preference, I would like to call this Green Screen the movie, because most of the action and backgrounds are used with heavy green screening and horrible cgi effects.

Well, this movie starts off with the story of Jacob from Twilight's past of being sharkboy. Sharkboy is a young boy that feeds Sharks sushi at a marine institute with his father.

[Jack]: Wait, so sharks also eat nori and rice? Oh, of course, what am I, A f##king idiot? (Bangs own head with a book) Of course you have to feed sharks sushi because they hate eating raw fish. Nice logic there movie, nice logic, A+ for you.

Then Sharkboy's marine institute was destroyed but he was saved when he was CONVENIENTLY on a life raft. So the sharks that were fed sushi raised sharkboy instead of eating him, because that is totally what Sharks do, right, they raise orphans?

[Parent]: Oh sharks! Please take care of my baby! (Throws baby out into the ocean)

Anyway, as Sharkboy grows up with the sharks, he starts growing gills and teeth. This was the part that confused me the most because if a person lives in the sea, they turn into sharks? Looks like evolution kicked in quickly, I can already tell this film is off to a good start XD.

And the main character of this movie, Max, finds Sharkboy and takes him in to his home for no apparent reason other than the fact that he thinks he is lost.

[Max]: Sharkboy said he travelled all over the universe in search of his father.
[Jack]: Sharkboy, why would you think your father maybe in different galaxies? You can't just say the sky's the limit.

And also, Lavagirl randomly appears in his room. So why was Sharkboy given a backstory and not Lavagirl? Kind of inconsistent.

Then, the two of them just ask Max if they could come with them for no apparent reason, even though Max is just a normal kid.

Then it takes place a few months later and the whole beginning we saw was just Max's story of what he did during the summer when he was reading it out to the class. Apparently, nobody in the classroom believes his story and they all start to bully him just for that.

[Teacher]: Who thinks Max's story is true?
[Jack]: Mr. Lopez, you just saw the whole class throw paper balls at him. Don't you think the answer is already there?
[Teacher]: Max, dreaming keeps you from seeing what is in front of you, this is reality (CHILDHOOD CRUSHED)

Apparently, the bully of the school steals jack's book that contains his summer story and he plans on bringing a "revised edition". Which the next day, he scribbled Max's story and here is the scene that actually pissed me off here with horrible acting.

Just before he gets detention, the two characters, Sharkboy and Lavagirl break into his class, telling Max to come with them to Planet Drool. Apparently, the teacher allows Max to go with the two strangers. Mr. Lopez, you are the best teacher ever....

So the group decides to go onto a rocket ship and they splash into a planet with one of the ugliest cgi effects, here look at this:

The three travel around the dreamworld and they meet a villain called Mr. Electric, who is literally a robotic Mr. Lopez. As they fight against his electric appliance army, it is lame as hell because of how the green screening, terrible acting, and lame as hell 3d effects ruin what is supposed to be an epic fight scene.

After they lose to Mr. Electric, they go into a Clockwork lane where this is the part that pissed me off as the cuckoo clocks keep popping up in front of your face obnoxiously, trying to flaunt how this movie is 3d. Then, they drop off into a dream graveyard for some reason and they..... Is that a gameboy? Also, is that an NES controller? Oh no.... Then, they get advice from a rather bored robot that they should go to the land of Milk and Cookies to dream because it is a safe place to dream. Look, I know desserts and sweets may be the good things for a child, but how is he going to sleep and dream if he has all that f##king sugar stuffed inside of him? Also, when the two try to put Max to sleep, Sharkboy sings this song:

[Sharkboy]: (Sings like he is bored) Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream
[Jack]: That sounds more like a lament than a lulaby. Best lyrics ever.

Also, they try to teach him to dream with his eyes open.... Yeah I know that sounds stupid, but they do. CAN'T EVERYONE JUST DO THAT?! Next, they sail to the ice queen's palace, but Lavagirl hates the Ice Queen because:

[Lavagirl]: I am fire, she's ice. We must be enemies.
[Jack]: Ok, so if a black person sees a white person would that mean they would automatically consider eachother enemies? (Gasps) I didn't know Lavagirl was racist.

But then here is one of the dumbest part about the movie, where Lavagirl can't cross the ice bridge because she migft melt it.

[Lavagirl]: Would have to sleep in order to lower my temperature.
[Max]: Can't you just sleepwalk on the bridge then?
[Jack]: (Facepalm and sighs) Max, are you f##king retarded?

So that's what Lavagirl f##king does. But when she wakes up when enemies arrive, she gets angry for some reason and she causes the bridge to fall. We then skip forward, The three meet an Elsa wannabe and they get captured by Mr. Electric.

Then, they meet the actual villain, which is the bully from his school. Max and the bully fight eachother using their own horrible 3d cgi dreams against eachother until ..... The bully just accepts being Max's friend when Max asked without hesitation...


Then, it turns out Mr. Electric is switched back to being the main villain and he comes to destroy the real world. However, a girl in Max's class stop Mr. Electric because..... reasons? And THIS F##KING MOVIE FINALLY ENDS, YOU ARE FREE NOW, RUN!!

Literally, this film is just as bad as many people say it is. The acting, 3d effects are so bad, so atrocious, and so abysmal that this movie is pure cancer. The story doesn't make any sense at all!

Did you like this movie roast, please like and comment for more.
Last edited:
Oh dear, your review was hilarious. Funniest post I've seen from you.

I still have to read the Zelda CDi one.
Ok, maybe I will do mall Cop, but I think I have something even more terrible in mind. What is your opinion on Sharkboy and Lavagirl as you watched the movie above? Is it a steaming pile of crap like I said?
It's bad, but I watched it long ago - not on your link above.

I don't think I really want to watch it again.

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