Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) review

Jack Lovejoy

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Hey guys, it is Jack here and let's talk about the thing that crippled sonic's franchise. Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 or as many people call it as Sonic 06.
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As many people talked about, this game is notable for it's glitchy and broken gameplay, but they are only scratching the surface here.

At first, you see a beautifully rendered CGI cutscene that impresses the players at first, but I think this is where all the budget went into.

Let's talk about the plot first. Sonic saves a princess from eggman while Shadow time travels to stop Mephiles, and Silver..... is just not necessary. The plot I have to say is WAY MORE F##KED UP THAN THE ZELDA TIMELINE. You wanna ask why? It is because of TIME TRAVELLING. Look, if you incorporate time travel in a story, it is very easy to mangle the plot, but this, oh ho, this plot is wrong in so many levels. I mean seriously! In Shadow's storyline, Elise didn't receive a chaos emerald in the past, but in Silver's storyline, Elise does. WTF IS HAPPENING HERE?!

Also, I think everybody in this game is an idiot because If Silver wanted to stop Iblis from happening, why couldn't he just go to the time where he could just erase Iblis when he first entered Elise's body. And if Mephiles wanted to be fused back together with Iblis to turn into Solaris again, why couldn't he just go back to the time where Solaris was first split up instead of wasting all that goddamn time trying to make Elise cry?
I DON'T F##KING UNDERSTAND.

Also, let's talk about Elise, one of my least favorite characters in the Sonic franchise. She serves as the damsel in distress in this game, but why? Sonic saves animals, not princesses! That is what Mario is supposed to do. Oh, and let's talk about how she gets kidnapped. You turn away from her, she gets kidnapped. You put her down, she gets kidnapped. You blink, she gets kidnapped. SHE GETS KIDNAPPED EVERY GODDAMN SECOND! I mean seriously, Elise doesn't do anything in the story and all she does is being a hindrance to Sonic. Oh, and there is apparently a Hedgehog x Human relationship between them. Dont ask, Sega was high on crack.

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[Jack]: Uh, hey, Elise. You are kissing a
DEAD HEDGEHOG. And there might be a possibility you may get rabies...

In the end, Sonic and friends defeat the evil Sun God and Elise has a choice whether she wants to blow out Solaris or just be with Sonic.....

[Elise]: But I don't care what happens to the world!
[Jack]: Wow, you selfish bitch. (claps sarcastically)

Well, enough of the story, let's go onto the gameplay. Apparently, it is not only glitchy, but also unfinished and broken. Like the silver boss fight in Solleana.

[Silver]: It's no use! It's no use! It's no use!
[Jack]: (Bitchslaps Silver) Shut the f##k up and stop flinging me into the sky!

Anyway, the glitches affect your game vastly, but let's talk about the parts that are not glitchy. For Sonic, he has very poor acceleration and he feels kinda slow in this game. Also, his homing attack has a large delay time if you want to perform another homing attack and... What the hell? Did I just get hurt when I jump on enemies?
WOW, THEY MADE THE JUMPING ATTACK, A STANDARD AND SIMPLE ATTACK IN THE GAMES, USELESS!! Why Sega?! You cant make the jumping on enemies attack damage you! That is just like having pancakes without syrup.

Anyway, just having a Homing attack gets boring really quickly and Shadow's homing attack has a little pointless combat mechanic. Silver is just plain psychokinesis, which also gets boring quickly.

The lip syncing doesn't even match up with the dialogue, they didn't even try there XD. Also, let's talk about the voice acting, just bad.
[Silver]: No way!
[Jack]: Wow, I don't know if I can let that slide. A+, best voice acting ever! (Blows kisses)

But I have to say that this game has very beautiful aesthetics and it looks way more advanced than a lot of other ps3 games and it looks like it could be on the ps4 even. The colors stand out significantly and the level designs are great. The levels that were deemed bad were mostly decent in my opinion. The music, oh, the music is just great! Also, the plot is quite successful at trying to be more serious and darker, which I appreciate. The only thing crippling that is the time travel confusion f##k up.

I give this game a 4.5/10. Even though it is a beautiful game, a lot of it is broken and other attributes were bad. This could have been a great game if people put some time into it. Sega, this is a reboot for the Sonic Franchise, don't rush the project, just let them take their time and don't be stupid. If I were the head of Sega, I would just let them finish until 2007. I don't care if the anniversary will be missed, all I care is that the game needs to be crafted carefully with enough time and effort in order to make it a true reboot.

Also, when my games become successful, I will help Sonic Team remaster Sonic 06 into something it should have been. This game HAD POTENTIAL TO BE GOOD, it is just that Sega was too damn stupid to realize that they are the reason Sonic is declining from the top.

 
Never even played this game or knew it existed. I see that I didn't miss much, lol. Thanks for the review.
 
I actually don't mind the serious storyline or the art style of the game. The only thing that really kept me from liking this game were the glitches, which were absolutely abhorrent.

...Okay, yeah, the human-hedgehog relationship was dumb too.
 

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